Seeking a woman (or a man, whatever...as long as the job gets done...) to manage laundry for twin baby boys in our home. Applicants should be organized, thorough, detail-oriented and love, love, LOVE to fold endless tiny items of clothing.
Duties include: responsible for all baby laundry, including applying stain remover to 45 tiny pieces of clothing before each load; ferreting out the hidden red sock that will necessitate multiple rewashings after it stains a whole load of innocent onesies; endless folding, followed by stacking on appropriate shelves in the baby wardrobe; weekly re-sorting of clothing (to reflect weekly growth of boys) into the following categories: clothes fitting both boys; clothes fitting only the small one; clothes fitting only the big one; clothes that don't quite fit the big one yet but will next week, so don't bury them too deeply in the back; clothes that still fit the small one, but won't next week, so remember to add to giveaway pile soon; clothes that are too small and should go into giveaway pile now; clothes that are too small but too stained to give away and should go into trash; clothes that were lent to us and are now too small but need to be returned to the original lender for their next baby; clothes that were lent to us and are now too small but need to be passed along to specific friends/relatives of original lender; clothes that still fit but are too heavy now that winter is over and should go into one of the alternate piles listed above.
Now that we have two cribs, you will also be responsible for figuring out which sheets/mattress pads/bumpers fit on which crib; also for figuring out how often bedding needs to be changed even though the busy colorful patterns tends to hide stains. Eagle eyes are a plus.
You will NOT be responsible for: playing with, entertaining, singing or reading to the boys; taking them for walks/outings; bathing, changing or dressing them; cooking their organic baby food or feeding it to them or cleaning up after meals; washing & prepping daily and nightly bottles; comforting their crying; waking up at 5AM with them, soothing them to sleep for naps/bedtime/midnight restlessness, or staying up all night holding them when they are feverish; making and getting to doctor's appointments, etc. I will continue to do all this, and whistle a happy tune while doing it, secure in the knowledge that at least the laundry mountain is under control.
As mentioned, this is a full-time position, with possible mandatory overtime as the boys begin to eat (and wear) more new foods, get out more to the park and pool, and begin to need baths on a daily basis -- all these things create more laundry. Best if you have no life of your own, as you may not have the time.
No resume necessary: the laundry mountain grows restless and I wouldn't have the time to read it, anyway. Just have a pulse, show up and start folding.
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